Every ending is also a beginning...
I remember like it was yesterday, walking into the camera store to buy my Canon knowing that it wasn't just a camera, it was going to be my way of life. I can't tell you who sold it me or what they said, all I can remember was my art teaching from 20 years ago. Her name was Gail... I loved her fiercely. She didn't just teach me about composition and blending, she taught me about love and she taught me about life.
I remember as I was finishing my business diploma from my local community college sitting across the table from Royal Roads University looking over while I really wanted to be at the table with Emily Carr talking about my portfolio, but that day would never come. Growing up in a family where doctors and accountants were the choice of success, to be an artist meant you would surely starve and end up on the streets... maybe you've heard this too. The judgement of family, the pressure of a partner... you can't really make a living doing that, it's just a hobby.
Gail would give a different account of what art meant to her and what it would come to mean to myself...
Her studio was surrounded by flowers, pastels and paper stacked up on shelves where only she could find what she was looking for. Andrea Bocelli and Norah Jones would take turns on the CD player as the smell of fresh scones and turpentine filled the air... Paint was always everywhere. On our clothes, in our hair... and it was always perfect. Looking back now, I think of that time as both inspiration and meditation for what was to come. Gail and her friends became my art school... she would tell me the story of going to art school in her 50's after her kids were grown and her husband passed away. "Lucy, this will never leave you... Even if you can't go to art school, art isn't something that passes you by."
Stories, colours, light... it's always there, waiting patiently for you to notice.
As I walked out of the camera store with my new camera body in hand, I ran into a colleague from my day job. Standing on the sidewalk talking about our time in Indigenous communities, travelling to the far corners of the province of British Columbia, I could see that he was talking to me but I really couldn't hear him. My eyes kept watering and I tried to wipe them without him noticing the tears. Standing on the sidewalk in Victoria, I thought about how long I've waited to surrender to the life I've always wanted to live. Outside, telling stories, chasing light...
In order to begin, I also understood that there were some things that were going to need to end. Trusting yourself and creating space for the life you want is not for the faint of heart. People will still tell you that art is a hobby, they will tell you that you'll need to make sacrifices or that the market is saturated. While those things are true for others, they do not have to be true for you. If you want to go tell stories, that is what you should do... If you want to go make art, that is what you should do... The truth is, no one is you and that is your gift. You will see the world differently than it has been seen before. You will hold space for others in a way that hasn't taken place before...
All of your experiences, all of the "real" jobs you've had before prepared you for where you are today and I have to tell you... you are right on time.
I'm so grateful you're here... Come with me and let's go chase the light....
